freedom to be

This poem is dedicated to Tommy Thompson.

all the steps i’ve taken
have led me to be more of who i am

when you let go of the ideal self
the vision of who you think you should be
could be
would be
in favour of the vast unknownness
of who you really are
time lands

here

the risk of the moment
of an indeterminate truth unfolding
a present unexpected self
emerging

it scares me
to not know who i am becoming
but i am often surprised
by a wisdom i never knew i had
an integrity
a calm
a curiosity
a playfulness

as though my years of experience
guide me closer and closer
to myself
as a newborn
knowing nothing
but what is right in front of me
undefined
being witnessed
as i witness
in relationship

there is a freedom in not being who i think i am
not having a plan

there is a freedom in forgetting my reflection
my yesterday
in favour of my gut
my today

there is a beauty in hearing your voice
and forgetting my idea of what i want you to say

there is a freedom in anonymity
finding myself a traveller in my own body
on a solitary vacation
a light through the window
shining on a me i did not know was in there

there is a beauty in the metamorphosis of me-ness
unfolding
like a butterfly
who has no concept of its wings yet
no concept of what it can achieve
if it lets go of the branch

what a joy in diving off
into abliss

what a joy
in being led by the empty space
opening up before me
rather than the path i have to forge

what a joy in discovering
myself
there
on the other side
much greater than i knew
a divine immensity i could never conceive of
my mind too narrow to contain such a being

where the concept ends
and the present begins
i find
nothing i’ve imagined
and everything i never knew i deeply craved

in my chest
an answer where a question used to be

and all around me
answers everywhere
offering themselves up
like wildflowers
to meet their meaning in my hands

or simply to smile and say hello
to another being
being seen
in the midst of its being

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